We keep telling women they can “have it all.” But when “all” requires a full career, presence at home, and a never-ending list of responsibilities on both sides, something is going to give.
And more often than not, that “something” is women stepping back in their careers. Not because they lack ambition, but because they lack real support. In fact, according to Zety’s Working Mothers & Career Trade-Offs Report, 75% of U.K. mothers say parenthood has impacted their careers.
That’s not a coincidence — that’s the outcome of how work is structured today.
When “Having It All” Depends on You Adjusting
Working mothers are navigating multiple sets of expectations. At work, the expectation is to be consistent, always available, and continually engaged. Outside of work, mothers are often the ones keeping everything moving. They are present for their families, managing what needs to get done, and carrying the mental load of daily life.
Both are real. But the career world has not built the systems needed to support working mothers, so the responsibility to make everything work often falls on them.
And that’s where the adjustments women are making begin, including:
- Stepping back from opportunities that don’t fit. According to the Zetyreport, 40% of working moms have turned down a promotion due to childcare pressures.
- Delaying moves that require more time, more visibility, and more energy.
- Choosing what’s manageable over what might move them forward faster. This aligns with findings in the same report that 90% of mothers say they have altered their career paths after becoming parents.
Not because the ambition is gone, but because the system hasn’t made space for them to thrive as working moms.
These Adjustments Don’t Stay Small
The challenge is that these decisions feel necessary in the moment. In many cases, they are the only viable option when workplace support isn’t there.
But over time, they don’t just solve for immediate needs. They shape a woman’s professional future. Careers slow down. Earning potential shifts. Pathways into leadership become harder to access.
And when these moments are framed as personal choices, the broader issue gets overlooked. It reflects a deeper problem in how the workplace is structured — and how working mothers are supported within it.
Support Has to Go Beyond Flexibility
Flexibility is often positioned as the solution, and it does help. In fact, according to the Zety report, 90% of mothers say flexibility is their top workplace priority.
But flexibility alone doesn’t solve the real problem, because the issue isn’t just how work gets done day to day. It’s what happens to someone’s career within that structure.
If stepping back limits long-term growth, then the system hasn’t actually adapted, and instead has just shifted the burden onto women to figure it out.
And that’s where the idea of “having it all” starts to break down; we tell women they can have both, but we haven’t built workplaces that actually support both at the same time.
Real support means rethinking how performance is measured, how visibility is created, and how advancement happens across different life stages.
That can look like:
- Measuring performance based on output and impact, so stepping away from constant availability isn’t mistaken for a lack of commitment.
- Creating clear paths to visibility and opportunity, so mothers aren’t unintentionally sidelined when they can’t always be the most present in the room.
- Designing career progression that accounts for different life stages, so stepping back at one point doesn’t quietly limit long-term growth.
Because if the expectation is that women can have it all, the responsibility cannot fall entirely on them to make that work. Otherwise, the outcome stays the same.
The Real Problem With “Having It All”
The idea that women can do it all isn’t the problem.
The problem is expecting them to do it all within a system that hasn’t been designed to support it.
Right now, many mothers are making it work by adjusting themselves to fit the structure around them. But that adjustment comes at a cost, and until the structure changes, the outcome won’t.
