Rejection stings; but, it happens. We each have to learn how we will move through and react to our rejections, especially when searching for a new job.
There is only one gold medal recipient for each Olympic category — meaning there will only be one first place winner. If we apply this same understanding to our own life we can have more compassion for ourselves when we aren’t selected for a position we applied for, the promotion we sought out, etc.
I’m not saying it won’t hurt, I’m pointing out the usefulness of being able to acknowledge it is not always about you.
Three Self-Reflection Questions For When You’ve Been Turned Down For A Job
You gave it your best and somehow weren’t selected. Rather than ruminating on why; get honest with yourself using these questions.
- What parts of this role aligned to your professional joy?
- Should I politely request feedback from the recruiter or hiring manager?
- How can I demonstrate my skills as a value add to the role, team, and company when my next opportunity comes up?
When thinking about your professional joy, consider the last project you worked on that gave you a sense of pride after completion, or that left you wanting to keep working on it. Then compare those types of success to what the role would have offered you and if they’re synonymous with each other.
When requesting feedback from a company you want to do it delicately. Let them know you appreciate their considering you as a candidate and that you strive for continued growth and learning, then close with an appreciation of their time.
Review your interview stories with a trusted friend or mentor. Think about each story through the lens of the recruiter or hiring manager and what they would look for in a candidate. Firm up any gaps in your story to prepare you for your next interview.
How Rejection Can Become Your Protection
Rejection became my protection. At every turn, it’s true. Rejection is my protection.
I was repeatedly rejected from CSR (corporate social responsibility) roles I applied for in Oklahoma City. A list of companies too long for me to even recall. You name it, they said no. And thank God they did because I never would have moved if I could have gotten my dream job in OKC.
But I couldn’t, so, I left. When I got to Chicago, I landed my dream job at Fortune 100 companies — global companies far beyond the ones who rejected me in Oklahoma City.
That rejection not only protected me, but it catapulted me into the woman I am today.
The space to dream bigger was provided by those very rejections from job applications. Rejection gave me the opportunity to move to my dream city, fly higher, and was essentially my freedom ticket. I am so thankful for that rejection.
Have you experienced being rejected from a role you really wanted only to later realize the job would have adversely impacted other areas of your life?
When you are clear about your joy, you gain clarity around your goals in the four key areas of life: personal, professional, health, and financial.
There are times that a role would create friction between your personal and professional joy. In hindsight, my countless rejections forced me to go after my actual dream life, dream city, and dream job.
Before, I was succumbing to a fear mindset; therefore, I did not do the true calculations of the role and what would actually propel me to the next professional and personal goals at that stage of my life.
The Best “No” of My Life
I was introduced to a woman who led a family foundation dedicated to breast cancer research. She was looking for a development professional who serves as the main fundraiser for a nonprofit organization. I did not want to return to fundraising at a nonprofit, but I took the conversation with her because I was desperate for work.
We had a lovely conversation, and I learned about the foundation and how it honored her late mother. It’s a beautiful, impactful organization. At the end of our conversation, she told me she wasn’t going to hire me. The greatest part was that she said she thought I was meant for something more — a bigger job.
It was a bit of a shock that she not only knew that but also had the guts to say it out loud. She saw me! She really saw me, and I’ve been grateful for that over the years. She even offered to drive me home because of the snow. If I’d gone to work for her as a fundraiser, I would have been back in the same job that I left in Oklahoma City.
Her telling me no meant that I kept fighting for the type of role I was trying to pivot toward rather than remaining in the type of role I’d always done.
Asking For Help Goes a Long Way
It’s easy to feel embarrassed when you are rejected from multiple job applications. This is the exact moment you could benefit from asking for support from the right person.
Look at the people in your network and community who are in the role you aspire to be in. Those are the people you ask for strategic advice from. There are three questions which you can pose to your mentors.
- What do you look for when hiring?
- Can you share an example of someone on your team who is excelling and what about them creates success within your team?
- How would you describe my value add to a potential employer?
The first question will help you understand what they, as well as other hiring managers in your field, are looking for.
The second question will help you understand what their definition of success is in the type of role you’re trying to attain.
The third question will help you understand how you are perceived. Think about how you talk about your work, your values, and your passions. You want to speak in a way that people are clear on the type of role you want, how you’d bring value to the role, and why you want the role.
Embracing Rejection
I had to take the rejection along with the feedback and turn it into a growth and gratitude moment. I was grateful for the practice of sharing my skills and passions with someone as it helped me fine tune what I’d share in future interviews.
It also helped me get clear on who I needed to have career conversations with that were positioned to support my career pivot in a meaningful way.
Focusing on joy means rejection doesn’t define you; it’s just a footnote in your life’s story. A footnote so tiny that people will think you’ve never experienced it. It is hard but it is worth it.
The people who are able to co-exist with rejection, learn from it, and grow from it are the success stories you hear most often.
